nicky d's catch all

[adorabrawler]

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w4; monday

[adorabrawler]

[ You ever watch a pegasus fly by while you're hanging out in the clouds. Yeah. ]

It's like every little kid's dream here.

[crucifer]

Wasn't exactly mine, but I guess I can see it.

[ He did do some birdwatching as a kid. ]

[adorabrawler]

Weren't into unicorns either?

[crucifer]

Can't say I was, yeah.

[ Not a huge fan of fantasies, when he had a lot riding on needing to be focused on reality. ]

Are you?

[adorabrawler]

Meh. I mean, I've read books with 'em in them, but I wouldn't say I was ever into unicorns.

[crucifer]

What part of this was your childhood dream, then?

[adorabrawler]

Ummm...

Maybe the ziplines.

[crucifer]

Well? Go and fulfill your dream then.

Zipline your heart out.

[adorabrawler]

... Hey, what do you think would happen if you let go before you reached the other side?

[crucifer]

...I think you might just keep falling 'til you hit the ground, so.

Let's not do that?

[adorabrawler]

You don't think—

[ SUDDENLY!!!!! A fucked up pig flies in and bounces off Mizuki's head. Wow!!! With that, Wolfwood's mind gets filled with this wonderful, joy filled moment I will not subject us to smalltext with:

"... That might have been the first and last time the three of us laughed out loud together."

Is what you finish with, sat upon the back of an old carousel horse. As you gaze off, your eyes settle for the old wood below, cracked and splintering from weathering the elements for so many years. The weather has a biting chill to it, and the clouds above hang heavy over a mostly empty amusement park—mostly, as you and another man with long blonde hair and mismatched colored eyes stand within it.

You both fall silent, and as you drift off into your thoughts, you decide to slide off the horse's back, and the silence continues. Until:

"Hey, Date. How do you define 'family'?"

"Define it?" He furrows his brow, puzzled. "Like being blood-related?"

"That would mean you and I could never be family." A pause. You shrug, looking off. "Well, I guess that's okay." You shift on your feet, leaning back against the horse you were previously seated upon. "... This is what I think: A family is... a perfectly ordinary relationship in the most ordinary way."

"Huh?"

"Like, you say, 'I'm home!' and you get a, 'Welcome home!' back. Doing those ordinary things without even thinking about it is what a family is. That's why... maybe me and mom and daddy weren't able to be a family. Our whole lives, we never could be ordinary. Even if I tried my hardest to be normal, it would just be awkward.

"Eventually, I got tired of trying."

Date remains silent as you speak. Again, you fall silent, however brief it may be before you let out an exhale, and continue with unrelenting guilt and regret gripping around your heart.

"I killed them."

"—What?"

"I... killed mom and daddy."

With that confession, there's no holding it back anymore; your head dips, and you break down sobbing. You feel like crying is the only thing you've been able to do in the past week.

"I— I was never a good girl. I didn't listen to mom. I couldn't do ordinary things. That's why mom hit me, and why she and daddy didn't get along, and why they got divorced. Then mom had to start working, and start doing business with dangerous people... If I—if I was just a good girl, none of this would've happened! This, all of this..."

You barely manage to choke out, "is all my fault."

Good times only here. ]

[crucifer]

[ It's like he sees it in slow motion, honestly. The pig suddenly appearing, Wolfwood's eyes widening because he knows what the fuck THAT means and OH HELL NO. But it's too late, he gets this mem to the face, and it hurts. He's never been one to show any kind of pain, or care about the suffering of most adults, but children are the one exception.

When Mizuki says 'this is all my fault', it fills him with upset and anger, his shoulders tensing immediately. When it's over, he immediately breaks his gaze, staring off into a corner of the cloudy ground with so much anger that even from behind the shades, he could burn holes into it. ]

...It's not.

[ He just wants to make that clear. ]

[adorabrawler]

[ In one swift moment, it's as if the wind was completely taken from her sails. Mizuki likewise tenses, but it isn't out of anger; she shrinks upon herself, instinctively taking a step back. ]

That's—

[ She cuts herself short, because what do you even say to that? But eventually, she finds her words: ]

... Sorry, I didn't mean...

[ To... make him angry? Ruin his day? ]

[crucifer]

It isn't your fault.

[ Which thing, the piggy memory or her dysfunctional family? The answer is both! ]

[adorabrawler]

...

[ She lets in a breath, exhales it out, and murmurs, ]

That's not true.

[crucifer]

Yeah, it is.

I grew up in an orphanage, bluebird.

You think every kid there was there because we all deserved it, that it was all our own fault?

[adorabrawler]

Of—of course I don't, but that's not the same thing!

[crucifer]

Isn't it?

Every kid in that damn orphanage felt abandoned or worthless in some way at least once in their lives. Some of 'em, their parents died -- others, it was people like yours who couldn't figure shit out between themselves and let the kid take the blame.

What's a kid supposed to do about that? You're not. [ Outside of being like, a super murderhands hellion but that's not the point here. ] A parent's supposed to take care of the kid, not the other way around.

[adorabrawler]

—Then why did she always blame me?

[ It isn't the gotcha she thinks it is, but Mizuki says it so earnestly, as if it proves everything he's saying wrong. ]

If I could've just—been better, then she wouldn't have...

[crucifer]

Humans always wanna blame others for their shortcomings. And the weaker they are, the less they can fight back, the more convenient.

[ He's just. He can't ever be down with the idea of blaming kids for the wrongs of adults outside of extremely special circumstances. It just makes him so mad. Worst parent ever award goes to Shoko Okiura. ]

[adorabrawler]

...

[ He's determined to convince her of her innocence, but it isn't easy for Mizuki to believe she has any at all. She could protest more, but he would only do so in return.

So all she's able to do is choke out a small, muffled sound she failed to hold back, rubbing at her eyes with the back of her sleeves. The last thing she wants to do is start crying in front of Wolfwood, but it all strikes at something still terribly raw within her. ]

[crucifer]

[ Kids should be allowed to cry. He thinks it's their right.

He'll let Mizuki have this in a way, leaving enough time for her feelings to well without feeling like he's cutting them off, but also interjecting so that she can have a different topic to think about if she doesn't want to. ]

Still wanted to go on those ziplines?

[adorabrawler]

[ That's a topic change all right, and she grows embarrassed for it, sniffing back with another wipe at her eyes. ]

Sorry...

[ It's hardly an answer, but she feels responsible for the sour turn the moment has taken. ]

[crucifer]

Don't worry about it.

I just think anyone who doesn't let kids just be kids is a total asshole.

[ If she likes her mom, sorry. He will not be nice to her to be gentle. Shoko can die (she did). ]

[adorabrawler]

[ Shoko very much died yeah. Unfortunately she still likes her mom, but Wolfwood is valid. ]

I still... could have been better.